HOW MANY TIMES?

How many times you have started a story and left in mid way

how many times completing a story is the most challenging thing

how many times have you felt lost in writing and thought of giving up ??

how many times you thought to shout and show the world what you feel and write

but your hidden in the pages

maybe after your death people will read what you wrote

how many times have you hidden what you feel

how many times you feel like never writing again but still you do

Unfaithful( fiction)

My eyes , ears and skin only knew you .

The meaning of love was taught by you.

My eyes they looked only at you . Was I too naive or were you just a play boy toying with the feelings of a foolish girl .

You said ” dear your my peace without you I feel so empty ,your not someone who I just want ,your someone I need to take each breath .My body desires you ,my soul is hungry for you and my mind is thoughtless without you .”

These were the words you whispered in my ear as you brushed my hair aside and kissed me on my back making me lost in the deadly fantasy and beautiful lie .

How naive was I these words , these kisses every young heart had heard them and every young soul had been held like that .

The day you cheated was that real , was it the first time because my eyes could not believe .

Was I dreaming or just hallucinating the unimaginable .

That day the meaning of PAIN /HEARTBREAK enlighten . I confronted him shouted grabbed his collar .

He just stood there unaffected not even a trace of guilt for scarring me for life and laughed on my face “did you really believed all the lies? baby you were just a fish caught in the net ” I looked away thouhght to slap him but instead said

” now your laughing bet my words tomorrow you will cry tears of blood ” and I left not turning back only God knew what I felt inside .

My soul buried ,my heart stopped beating and my body shocked in denial.

Gathered myself up from the broken glass I stood ,now a long long journey was ahead of me.

To heal my broken heart💔and to move on.

POETRY :

Bhool gaye hum ko aisey jaisey na rahta tha koi muntazir tere rah me raat bhar neend na ati

Bhool gaye ho hum ko aisey jaisey tanha galiya suney duniya ab tere bin kya jeena kya marna

You forgot me like this. Did not someone wait for you all night waiting for you and the sleep was miles away

You forgot me like this .Desserted streets and lonely paths are now my destiny now what living or dying without you .

Rahna ha tere bin ab bewafa tu nikala tu hum kyo ku na agey barhey

You are unfaithful now whats my fault in it I have to move on be happy for myself

Enslaved

So many reasons so many restrictions we stop ourselves from confessing whom we love

the fears in the way

are we really free??

Enslaved to our desires or caged by the mind

we stop ourselves from the dreams we desire

we see , we think but the tongue is silenced by reasons

though good or bad what the other thinks matter more than us

and so we are enslaved by chains of our minds

MAR JAYE GE (will die)

Dil ne nil se kaha

kuch kahna ha tum se

hum devaney ha tera

tere chahat me dobe jaye ge

tum jo chor do to mar jaye ge

I wanted to write and experiment with urdu hindi poetry a bit

Now english translation

Heart said to another heart

I want to tell you something

I am crazy for you

In your love I shall drown

If you leave then I shall die in your love

These finger tips

The way you touched left traces of your finger tips

its been an year and these finger tips I feel them

the fights and kissing the never ending touches

Loved you with my soul

your every inner demon tangling it within my soul

every man that come across could’nt erase your marks stiched into my skin and left a stamp on my heart.

Your fingers the way they make cirlces on sacred parts like no one else

light me up

set me free

from the flames you made

deep inside me

the thirst and hunger for these finger tips is never ending

I AM A BUTTERFLY

I am a butterfly

but was once a larva

called names and bullied

cause beauty was far away

that tiny larva now turned into a butterfly

you want to imprision me in you claws and teeth

But I am a butterfly once a larve wants to fly high thats my destiny

if you imprision me my wings will burn and my soul will turn ashes

this beauty I have ,makes it hard to fly but was once a larva

still called names and trampled under your feet

in this world

no matter what you become rich or poor, pretty or ugly, lazy or active, kind or cruel

the hunters and abusers never leave

the thorn of jealousy and hatred follows like a shadow to gulf you within its darkness into a tunnel with no return

I am a butterfly once a larva

flying is what i do you want to catch me with your net I will never come in your hands as flying is what I do

these flowers are my friends and your the thornnin my beautiful life

Death

The reality of life

no human can escape

every soul has to taste

the fated destiny

sooner or later you have to leave

what you kept treasured gold

soft blankets and pillow replaced with sand and darkness

a mystery of grave still unsolved

kings , landlords , tyrants died leaving everything behind

as life and death are realities of life

My paternal grandma died on 10 feb 2018 in the morning may her soul rest in peace ameen

Never thought a day would come when I would not see your smile. The love you showed and the way you scold ,missing it with passing day

how I wish I had spend time with you when I was busy with my worldly hobbies