Anxitey the misconception

When my heart pounded and I could not fall asleep.

My anxiety keeping me awake all night and you say I can control it ?

If I could have control it would I  like this mental torture ….

You know what makes it worst its people like you who do not support it fine your choice but why make it hard for people like us ?

Your lucky enough you do not have this then why pass comments as you know what it is …

You do not know you can never know what it feels to have anxiety .

I had anxiety when I turned 14 and now its quite less then before but it does not mean I am cured it.

Do you know how it felt to go to school everyday with anxiety and panic attack I wish you knew cause then you would not be sitting there and making random comments .

Just like a headache ,flu,cancer you go to a doctor and its not your fault so is anxiety you can not control it nor its for attention

its the worst thing that eats you deep inside and makes you stand at death door so be careful of what you say to a person suffering from  it do not just randomly pass comments like its my fault…. no it was never my fault I did not choose it .

It was and it will never be my fault and its worst when people judge you and make you feel even more low .

The constant worry of what may go wrong its two am and I can not sleep cause what may go wrong causes me anxiety and you say I am over thinking You say just say God name and you will be fine nah your wrong ….God name would not help me cure my anxiety nor will your rubbish …..something that made my teenage years worst something that broke me something which caused me to get embarrassed in public ,no I will not let it control me again

Your brave cause you have what many can not take.

You have been through what no can go through.

Your brave then any solider dying on battle field

Your brave then anyone else out there cause you endured what no one can …

this is the truth

Anxitey

  • I keep thinking that bad thing are going to happen in future even if it has a month.
  • I keep thinking what happened in the  past will happen again.
  • I say things or am not  grateful for certain things ,later I regret it but can not forgive myself.
  • I panic and worry something bad gonna happen to my loved ones.
  • And please i hate those people who say you do not pray or pray they do not know  a  fuck about mental illness, a friend of my said pray if your scared common anyone going through must know praying don’t help
  • Its hard to forgive myself.
  • Its hard to forgive all those that did bad but what torture me is the reoccurring scenes in my mind.
  • Thinking about future and past both are worst .
  • And then I think about self harm as punishing myself, I stopped in 2017 mid but still I have urges the only thing which stops me is my parents finding out and not having a clean object to cut….
  • So tell me if you feel the same way cause I do not want to be the only one on Earth facing this .. if you do please share and speak

I should just die…

Tick tok, tick tok

the demons are back

been holding for long

everynight crying myself to sleep the thoughts are back, why am I even alive??

Been holding for long

Pounding heart, breathing hard

to feel like dying but not dying

oh! Just wanted one true love why would you scar me?

Depression, anxiety,self harm are back.

How can they leave me, peacful mind just a dream ,now eyes wide open

Don’t want anyone to know

You made me feel so worthless, ugly, stupid, dumb

Everything my fault, loving you my fault, you say so should I die yea if I die its still my fault isn’t it

Claps to you finally you took a human’s wish to live turn into dead wish

Insomnia

Do you ever feel so lonely and sad that even your whole body is tired your eyes are drowsy but still you can’t sleep , the demons under your bed keep haunting you and the bad memories keep repeating itself like a repeating scene in movie and then your heart starts beating faster then its normal rate and your surrounded by gloomy clouds you know you have to wake up early but still you can not sleep. You open and close your eyes sleep no where then you get up as no way out and take the pills as its your only friend

SCARS

scars deep inside my wrist

each scar , has its own story to tell

Hidden under the long sleeves

Afraid the world may see

A constant fear inside

that someone may know

and my secret out

these scars, that tell my story

to each and everyone

they may laugh ,they may pity

whatever they do will hurt me

So scars, be hidden

in a dimention

underneath the shadows

i want to tell you girls something, your beautiful these scars that we have within our hearts or as our hidden secrets do not make us ugly , and we should not be ashamed of them as they shows how strong we were and your beautiful and. I am beautiful regardless of color,religion,race ,nationality beauty do not relay on these things.

One is inner beauty and other is outer beauty and it depends on eyes so my eyes see you beautiful and myself as well and that’s important so do that and not hurt anyone .

TICK TOCK

pain in the chest

throbbing sensation

oh dear here it comes again

the curse where i feel like sinking

struggling hard to breath

but all in vain

am I going to die ?

cause it feels worse than death

here it comes again

without a warning

people watching

but I am falling will you lead me a hand

cause tick tock its here again

no place to hide

where can you hide from yourself

these demons are chasing

my body is giving away the strength

I am losing

tick tock here it comes again

HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE 14

have been here since 14

but never been so strong

fighting all my demons

these wounds don’t heal

these scars on my arms

are the proof of my battle’s

on lonely nights

fought for so long

have been here since 14

but never been so strong

standing on this island surrounded by water

all alone

breathing but barely living

the angel of dead stalking around

messing the minds of a teenager

into doing the unforgivable

have been here since 14

but never been so strong

for judging me ,walk in my shoes first

I swear not even a day, you will survive

the stormy cold nights

sobbing and hating

the failures and bullying

my world this gloomy

have been this way since 14

stronger than everyone

not a victim but a survivor

battling these wars made me iron women

stronger than anyone

never giving up

rising from ashes my super powers

have been here since 14

but never been so strong

TRAPPED

She is laying on a cold floor .

Which is all wet and the girl is just lying there with water dripping on her face drop by drop , the room has a roof but it could not prevent the big monsters like clouds from raining and slowly it will make her body numb there is no one to save her from the hell.

When it becomes hard for her to even breath she begs for death but so cruel,  she finds a beat after every drowning.

As there is this line between life and death so does there is line between fear and reality ,love and abandonment, understanding and hurt.

So the girl runs away finding a  hole, she is away from sinking deep but that hole does not lead to success cause success is after when she swims on her own from the sea of water ,that hole keeps her safe for a while but she wants to explore what lies outside the hole and water torture but scared she may feel drowning again , she stays in the hole all alone wasting her life.

The crabs in it does not even make her afraid they bite her, but do she scream?

Nope it calms her the blood makes her feel alive,  cause death people do not bleed nor feel pain so she she asks them to bite her to make her fears anxiety, sadness ,guilt, hatred go away making the crab her best friend, her only friend cause his actions speak louder and no words makes her safe.